A reporter, probably exhausted, maybe in the middle of a difficult time in his life—an illness within the family, the house doesn’t ever get warm enough so they have to crank the heater and that’s making the bills balloon, his wife’s pregnant and college tuition keeps rising—asked a question to a player during a postgame presser after an opening round NCAA Tournament game last year.
The question: How does Yale out rebound Baylor?
This player, Taurean Prince, was a senior. He played for Baylor. They were a five seed. Yale was a twelve. Baylor lost. It was the last college game Prince would ever play. He did all he could, put up 28. And so he gets that question, which, though I understand the reporter’s sentiment, was massively stupid to ask out loud to someone participating in the game. That’s a question you ask your friend when you didn’t get a chance to watch the game and you took a look at the box score and see the disparity. That’s when you ask, and the ask is rhetorical, really, making sure nobody involved in the proceedings is around, “How did Yale out rebound Baylor?” You don’t ask it to a kid who just saw his collegiate career end in disappointment.
Prince and the rest of the bears were in their neon yellow kits and he sort of glowed and blankly looked in the direction of the reporter, trying to understand, figure out if he did in fact mean to ask what it sounded like he was asking. There’s clarification asked for by both Prince and the person facilitating the questions, and the reporter states his question again, reiterating the absurdity.
Another one: How does Yale out rebound Baylor?
I italicize because you can hear him italicizing.
Prince’s answer, deadpanned: Um. You go up and grab the ball off the rim when it comes off, and then you grab it with two hands, and you come down with it, and that’s considered a rebound. So they got more of those than we did.
Prince stares ahead into the middle distance with eyes like come ON. I want Prince to provide answers to other nonsense questions people ask.
Question: What does happy even mean, really?
Prince’s answer: Um. Webster’s has a few options for it.
- feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc.
- showing or causing feelings of pleasure and enjoyment
- pleased or glad about a particular situation, event, etc.
- it’s also a song by Pharrell Williams. He was a big part of The Neptunes. So, that’s what happy means.
Question: Why do I have to provide three different forms of identification to update my license?
Prince’s answer: Um. Because that’s what the state requires.
Question: How is it that just a regular grilled chicken sandwich costs $18?
Prince’s answer: Um. The restaurant is unreasonable, elitist, and trash. So, that’s how.
drawllin 