Jason Sudeikis played AAU ball with Kareem and JaRon Rush which means at any point in Brandon Rush’s life he could give Sudeikis a call and ask him about Potato Chip Thief. How did Forte come up with that? Why was Sudeikis dressed like Colonel Sanders? Why is colonel spelled that way? Kernel is taken, but what about kurnull? Colonel, when you read it for the first time, you pronounce it callanell. Right? That’s what I did. It was very confusing. I forget the book it was even in. It was set in England. There were talking dogs. One of the lines in it went something like: My man, I could get that bone?
Rush and Sudeikis could sit together at Stroud’s and talk J’s over a plate of cinnamon biscuits, buy those shirts that say, “We choke our own chickens.” Step out and troll the Power & Light District. Ask people if they remember J.R. Giddens. Go to Oklahoma Joe’s, laugh at anybody who doesn’t order the Z-Man. Make the rest of the barbecue rounds. Gates. Arthur Bryant’s—those big cups. Jack Stack. Head to Municipal. Tell people Wilt was once there.
Brandon Rush sounds like a name that would fit well in the Doug universe. Maybe he lives on the other side of Mr. Dink. Doug sees him drawing, they collaborate on a new Quailman. Or maybe Rush knows The Beets. That’s probably it. He knows The Beets. He could’ve played with the Warriors for the vet minimum. Instead, he signed a one year deal with the Timberwolves for $3.5 mil. I’m writing the terrible joke because it will make me feel good. He got more allowance.