Chavano Rainier Hield makes the donuts. Alvin Gentry’s had to limit his gym time. The guy’s a lunatic. Did you see him against Kansas last year? Oregon? He was having religious experiences. Angels In The Backcourt. During a couple of his games I saw John The Baptist sitting courtside. He wore a Tisdale jersey, kept asking what happened to Tiny Gallon. Hield learned how to shoot on a goal he made out of plywood and a milk crate. I feel comfortable saying he won’t be denied.
His mom nicknamed him Buddy. She felt he looked like Bud Bundy. He has a couple more aliases: Buddy Buckets, Buddy Fresh. His Instagram handle is Buddy Love, which sounds like one of the guys that didn’t make the final cut for O-Town. Always hard to remember to put that dash in there. Why the dash? What’s it do? Ashley Parker Angel was the next Timberlake. Then he had a reality show about how he and his wife were broke. How do you go from “Liquid Dreams” to Wild Things 4?
Hield said no to Kansas. His pregame warmups in college lasted four hours, sometimes more. He retweets people who compliment their mothers. Once a day, he tweets out: Thank God for Life, Health, and Strength (then it’s the prayer hands emoji, the flexing bicep emoji, the fist emoji, the 100 emoji.) He loves the 100 emoji. It makes regular appearances across all platforms. I imagine him discovering it. Lightning cracks, the phone shines. Finally, something that encapsulates me.
He’s got a picture of him back home in the Bahamas with Jim Jones. Jones is wearing a Miami Vamps T-shirt and a snapback the color of new snow. There’s a USB chord around his neck. Hield’s holding a small styrofoam bowl of salad(?). Love captioned it: @jimjonescapo Ballin in the Bahamas (Bahaman flag) #HeCoolPeoples (100 emoji). You can’t be a basketball player and take a picture with Jim Jones and not drop a “ballin” in the caption so I guess what I’m trying to say is you can count on Hield to do what he’s supposed to. Lots would have put We fly high or We Fly High or #WeFlyHigh but Hield is a man of subtlety. His point is made.
Phog Allen gave him a standing ovation. He was the Pied Piper of Norman. Somebody saw him at the Warren in Moore doing gainers off the balcony during a showing of Taken 3. He had Roman Candles in his hands. They were spraying pink sparks everywhere. Not since Hollis Price did Oklahoma have a guard who inspired the kind of fawning Hield did. Quannis White was that dude, though. Tony Crocker was fine. Willie Warren disappointed. Hield made it feel like football season again. Guy could get a table at Victoria’s no problem.